The Misadventures of Hiccup and Astrid REWRITE
by Rush Fire
Summary: Astrid and Hiccup have quite a private life together. REWRITE- Will be adding some new/different concepts, hopefully making this more attuned to the actual characters. Big thanks to Foxy'sGirl for her insight and maturity to my somewhat ridiculous concepts.
1. Urges

**AU: Hey everybody. As some know, I request a lot of stuff, some specific and some not. Yes its mostly smut. Don't judge. I finally decided to try and give it a shot myself, mainly because I think it would help me with writing my book. Anyway, yeah, mostly smut, occasional humor, little bit of plot as well. I may take requests if I like it, but please be specific in what you are looking for. I also may rewrite chapters, they will be posted as new ones.**

Stormfly stirred from her beauty sleep by mewls and the sound of ragged breathing coming from Astrid's bed. She growled in irritation.

_Ungh… Don't tell me the girl's in heat AGAIN…_ she thought. She sniffed the air and grumbled, Yep, shes probably in heat. The blue dragon shifted over to her side and tried to ignore the sounds.

_"Hiccup,"_ she heard the woman moan softly.

_Yep, shes DEFINITELY in heat._ Her human always mentioned the night fury rider whenever she was aroused. Stormfly wished her rider would just ask the male she had riding her mind to mate her already and calm her down. Mainly because these late night horny streaks was causing deprivation of her precious sleep, and the bloodshot eyes she recently noticed in her reflection was making her rather self conscious. It made her prefer sleeping outside.

On the other side of the room, Astrid was currently savoring her favorite fantasy.

_Hiccup lie on their wedding bed, his hands bound the headboard and his ankles to the posts at the foot of the bed. Heavily drugged with dragon grade hormones, his member stood at full attention for Astrid's viewing pleasure._

Astrid bit her lip and held back another moan. Ending her self stimulation with her fingers, she took the large marble tool from her lower drawer from her nightstand and settled it between her legs. She still couldn't believe she was dealing with something this big. It was almost as thick as her wrist, and she knew that with the others they would only get bigger as she moved forward with her training. She grunted as she slowly worked the tip inside, stopping when she managed to sheathe the whole six inch long tool inside her. She took a few deep breaths, clenching tightly around its smooth surface, letting her lower regions adapt to the size of the intrusion. She whimpered as she began to work it back and forth within herself, moving her hips to the rhythm of her hand.

Astrid had discovered a very "special spot" only a week into her almost-always-aroused state. Because of the length of her fingers however, she couldn't reach it without an object of some kind. But thanks to these marble tools, she could work magic that before could only be done with the totem that Hiccup had given her (which she lost). Unfortunately, It backfired, and she ended up training so often she developed a overactive sex drive. Now she was wasting entire nights of sleep trying to get a minimum of four or five orgasms when at first just one would pretty much knock her out.

_She bounced up and down on his lap, howling like a wild animal as he filled her over and over again. She watched him squirm under her, overwhelmed by the pleasure he was feeling. He let out a hoarse moan, made so by the overuse of his vocal chords, as he released inside her yet again. By now a puddle of their joined fluids had oozed into the bed furs from their repeated orgasms._

Her body trembled as her hips bucked into her hand for the eighth time that night. As her jolt of pleasure finally died and her breathing returned to normal, she reached over to her nightstand next to her bed. Using a severely abused washcloth, she cleaned her fluids off her thighs and pelvis, along with the marble dildo. Putting them back, she turned on her side to hopefully get some sleep.

Barely an hour later, she awoke to her insides burning for more attention.

Astrid grimaced,_ Damn it Hiccup, I'm going to punch you so hard for this..._

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**Next chapter: We find out why she cant stop masturbating.**

**Please review if you have suggestions/comments, or I may discontinue this.**


	2. A New Man

**1 month ago**

Astrid stood at the docks with dwindling patience. She had been pacing in the same spot for so long her knees were as sore as when she had to drag a cart with broken wheels across Berk all by herself. Her teenage friends lounged about nearby, having been invited here by Astrid.

Fishlegs was getting annoyed from the incessant patter of Astrid's footsteps. "Astrid, would you PLEASE sit down or something?" He pleaded, "That noise is making my head hurt."

Astrid examined the horizon stamping her foot in anger, "Where are they? He said they'd be back by noon today!"

Fishlegs tried using logic to calm her down, "You cant expect a chief and his son to get home at the exact time they say they will, Astrid. Especially not on trips like these." It was supposed to be some kind of father son bonding trip plus a foreign lands exploration thing. Apparently dragons had given them more trading abilities than originally anticipated. But _how long_ did they expect her to wait?

" I wonder what kind of cool stuff they'll bring back!" Ruffnut said from her spot on the edge of the dock walkway.

"Yeah," Tuffnut agreed, "Maybe they found me a cooler sister." Astrid grinned as she heard a loud splash from behind her after Ruffnut shoved him off the dock.

Soon several dots could be seen along the horizon line, slowly expanding like the excitement in Astrid's chest. Other families quickly gathered to greet their loved ones as the boats finally docked. In the crowd of taller Vikings, Astrid struggled as she tried to find her boyfriend. She managed to pick Gobber out of the sea of people, and ran toward him.

"Gobber!"

The stocky Viking turned around, his arms full of foreign trinkets and one even hanging from a horn of his helmet. " Oi, Astrid! Good to see a familiar face, eh?"

She smiled, "Good to see you too. Gobber." The girl took a quick look around the docks as people filed out with their families. "Where's Hiccup?"

Gobber turned toward the ship, "He's still gettin some things from the storage deck. He said somethin bout presents for you and your friends."

Ruffnut jumped with joy, "Awesome! Free stuff!" Tuffnut would have joined her, but he had made himself cozy bobbing in the surprisingly not so cold water.

Snotlout snorted with skepticism, "Yeah? I'll decide if its worthy of being called awesome."

While they spoke, Astrid ignored them both and boarded the ship alone, racing to the lower deck ladder.

The lower deck was rather dark, lit mainly by he outside light and a few wall hung candles. Along with its usual musty odor, it had a few new smells to it, evidence it had been picked up some things from foreign country.  
"Hiccup?" Astrid called into the darkness as she stood at the foot of the ladder.

A familiar voice called back, "Astrid? Is that you?" There was a rustling noise amongst the cargo, and she saw a familiar thin figure emerge from the boxes. As it approached her, she quickly noticed that it was too tall to be Hiccup. As the figure walked into the dim light however, she saw its undeniable face. And then the rest of its body as the light brightened. Her heart fluttered.

"Wow," Astrid said breathlessly, " You… grew."

The boy (if she could still call him that at this point) now stood over a head taller than her, and her eyes now met his collarbone. He still had his Hiccup-ish lanky build, but Astrid could see his chest and shoulders had broadened and his arms and legs had thickened greatly. He was definitely no longer a walking talking fish bone and Astrid _definitely_ liked this version of Hiccup even better than the beefy one Bucket had painted on a shield.

He grinned enthusiastically, "I know right? And check this out," he lifted up his new dark brown shirt, revealing a definitive set of abs. Astrid almost began drooling. "I have muscles! Visible ones!"

Astrid swallowed, trying to keep her composure, and chuckled, "Well, don't go turning into Snotlout on me." Crap, why did she have to have a problem conversing with this Hiccup?

"Oh, I almost forgot," He ran back into the shadows, "I got you something." As he rummaged about in the shadows, Astrid took the moment to her advantage. She puffed out her chest and straightened her back, trying to get as much emphasis on her breasts as possible. She hoped she could at least get him to stare for a few seconds. "Here it is," He said, walking back to her. Astrid gasped and what he held in his hands.

She could see a Deadly Nadder flying between the waters of berk and a sunset on the horizon line. Atop its back sat a girl with a spiked skirt, shoulder pauldrons and long flowing hair. The image extended out three dimensionally and rotated around a cone like shape. As Astrid stared, Hiccup was grinning ear to ear. "You like it? I met a sculptor who showed me some things on working with marble." Astrid took the marble piece in her hands and rotated it, admiring the perfectly smoothed surface. On the other side, previously not visible, was an image of a skinny boy riding a night fury with a artificial tail fin.

Astrid was amazed, "This is beautiful Hiccup. You made this?" He nodded

"By hand. With a chisel. And sand paper…" He trailed off. He was silenced as one of her hands ran over his cheek.

"Your amazing," she told him softly. Letting her fingers drift to his neck, she could feel goose bumps form as his face turned pink. He was way too handsome for his own good. "Which reminds me," her kind gesture of affection suddenly became a swift fist to his shoulder, "That was for leaving me here for two and a half weeks with _Snotlout_." Her knuckles quickly began throbbing in pain.

_Damn, how dense are those muscles?!_

He smirked, "Ha, and I thought you were going soft."

Before Astrid could punch him again for making her wait so long, Hiccup grabbed her by the arm and yanked her to his chest. She squeaked very un-vikingly in surprise. She looked into his eyes in shock, and then noticed his evil smile.

"But in that case," he whispered huskily, "_This_ is for waiting for me." He gripped the back of her head and forced their mouths together in one quick motion. Astrid gave in completely, dropping the marble totem and letting it hit the wooden floor with a thunk as she wrapped her arms around his neck. She extended her toes in attempt to match their heights as they attacked each others' mouths.

This was too unfair. Why did he get to become so sexy in two weeks when she only developed a little throughout the whole month? And where the hell was this… confidence coming from? The confidence that was making him work his tongue in her mouth, and her accept it without question. Not that she was complaining. She could definitely get used to tall, muscular… confident…

_Oooh._ She felt a sudden spark ignite in her core as he made sound that could only be described as a lustful growl.

**As the author was saying,** She could definitely get used to tall, muscular… confident… SEXY ASS HICCUP.

Hiccup grunted and stopped suddenly, making Astrid whimper in confusion and arousal. As their heads separated, they came to their senses as they heard large footsteps on the upper deck. Looking back at their position the couple became red with embarrassment. He removed his hand from under shirt and the other from her waist while she took hers from around his neck and the inside his new silver-grey tunic. They held the awkward silence for a moment before a voice was heard calling Hiccup's name.

He sighed in disappointment, gave Astrid a quick peck on the cheek, and then responded, "Yeah Fishlegs, I'm down here!" Looking back at Astrid, they gave each other understanding smiles before he walked up to greet the others. As she watched Hiccup leave, she examined him from behind.

_Wow! He's even got an ass like granite!_

Astrid huffed in irritation as she picked up her totem from the floor. She should have never invited the others to wait for him at the docks. Now she had an annoying need in her lower regions that Hiccup really could have helped with. She glanced at the totem in her hands. It had a very intriguing shape…

That night she had one hell of a time "breaking in" the totem.


	3. WOW

**2 weeks ago**

The prank war was confirmed to be allowed as Stoic said it would help the teens gain awareness and trapping skills. At this point was nearly over, scheduled to end at dusk on the first day of next week. Hiccup and Astrid were the only ones who hadn't been pranked by anyone successfully as the two had been looking out for one another in a boyfriend/girlfriend alliance. The two had secretly dubbed it their obliged "Lover's Trust."

Snotlout was getting desperate. The winner of the war got all his chores taken care of by the losers, AND got a gold piece from each. But all he really wanted was the bragging rights and the street credit to help him swoon the ladies. With his current state in this competition however, it seemed he just wanted to make sure his current street credit wasn't downgraded. Hiccup and Astrid would win for certain, but he was butting heads with Fishlegs for second place, and surely he could beat that loser. Right? He had to, for his reputation's sake. His pranks were getting more and more stale with each passing day, and as the remaining time for the war ticked away, he finally decided to do something he'd never do. Read a book.

Fishlegs had found a few books on prank wars, an one actually included a guide and rules. Well, rule. There was only one: "No pranks are allowed that may cause severe/permanent damage to people or property. Or dragons" The last part had been scribbled in by Hiccup.

Snotlout flipped through the pages of the guide. Too many pranks would take too long to make or were too complicated for him. He angrily flipped back to an earlier chapter. Jackpot.

Simple Pranks: Quick and easy ways to score a laugh.

If you've read the scoreboard page, you know that successfully performing a simple prank is worth one point in a prank war. If you prank the score leader with a simple prank, you get two points. Simple pranks include…

Snotlout only had to read the next three words to finish his share reading for the rest of the year. Fortunately, it was all he needed to gather the perfect plan to determine his spot in third place. He slammed the book shut and ran off to find Gobber, the war's score keeper.

Hiccup may not have been very good at wielding swords or hammers before, but now he held weapons with almost his father's capability, and it was making Astrid a little jealous. And really "abusive" of that totem he had given her. She couldn't help but feel a little obligated to give him a run for his money at something, so she went with archery. But it seemed even that turned into a lesson for her. Who would have known the mighty Astrid Hofferson would need a tutor for something like that?

With each arrow hitting far off the bulls eye, Astrid was getting red in the face. She huffed, "Hiccup, I think this bow is broken or something." She sat down on a tree stump in defeat and began examining parts of the bow as if shed magically find the key to perfect aim on it.

Hiccup was sitting on a nearby rock, sharpening the katana that was gifted to him during his travels. "Astrid, archery isn't like throwing an axe," he calmly explained, "It takes form, focus, steady hands and a light touch."

"Isn't the crossbow used to get rid of half of that?"

"Well, yeah, but because it takes so long to reload, you'll probably only get one shot before your enemies know where you are. Plus its harder to lug around." He slid the blade into its sheathe and set it down against the rock. He stood up, "Here, let me show you."

The moment couldn't have been more perfect for Snotlout. Jumping out from his hiding spot behind Hiccup's sitting rock, it took him a split second to dart over to Hiccup as he walked toward Astrid and grab the hem of his pants.

Astrid barely had a second to call Snotlout out. Hiccup's pants were around his ankle and prosthetic in an instant, and Astrid's eyes almost instinctively shot upward. If her face was red from frustration before, it would probably be crimson from embarrassment now. What she saw, or was staring at, she never expected Hiccup to have. She never knew he was… packing heat… that could substitute a dragon's fire. She'd heard rumors from some women about Stoic the Vast being… well, vast. But Hiccup? Her boyfriend? Whoa… just… **_WOW_**.

Hiccup's cry of confusion brought Astrid out of her stare. Nearly tripping, he yanked his pants back up and directed his fury at Snotlout. Wait, how long had she been staring? "Snotlout, what the hell?"

Astrid focused her fluster into rage, "Yeah, what's your problem?" It sounded a lot weaker than she hoped it would.

The brawny boy, currently holding his gut as he laughed, took a moment to catch his breath. "Extra points, that's what. I need em'. And about that," he looked to a bush by his hiding spot, "That's two points for me, right Gobber?"

As if on cue, Berk's forge master poked his head out from inside the leaves. "Aye, laddy, two points." As he freed himself from the bush, he took the scoreboard slate he had with him and worked in two more lines next to Snotlout's name with a charcoal stick. "And that puts you ahead of Fishlegs." He declared. Hiccup glared at him, and he shrugged, "Sorry Hiccup, but ya did ask me to be score keeper."

Snotlout grinned victoriously, "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a wedgie to give to Tuffnut. Oh, and Astrid," his smile turned devious, "that look on your face was priceless." And with that, he ran off to the village, with Gobber close behind.

Hiccup muttered, "Looks like I picked a perfect day to get all my good skivvies washed…"

Astrid suddenly yelled after the retreating Snotlout, "Don't expect me to ever stare like that when _your_ pants are down!" Relieved from her sudden outburst, she glanced at Hiccup, who had an eyebrow raised at her. "What? I had to say something," she defended.

Hiccup gave a surprised and shy smile, "You were… staring?" he asked.

Astrid's cheeks began to burn as she tried to evaluate what she had just seen. He was indeed… very impressive. Maybe a little _too impressive_…

"Uh… I think we need to talk."

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**Next Chapter- Astrid and Hiccup have a chat about Astrid's spoiled surprise.**


	4. An Awkward Conversation

**Sorry It took so long to get out, but here is the awkward following of the previous chapter. **

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He hesitated for a moment, considering what had just happened. He figured this would go in a quite specific direction. "Oh. Um… alright, I guess. What about?"

_As if that isn't obvious._ "When exactly were you planning on telling me about your… that thing you have between your legs?"

He raised an eyebrow at her, "I thought you knew I was male, Astrid."

_Okay, now he is just screwing with me._ She sighed irritably. "You know what I mean, Hiccup."

His head cocked to the side in confusion. "What? I mean… I don't… is there something wrong with it?"

_Is he serious? There is no way hes being serious._ "Thor Hiccup, do I have to spell it out for you? You must be part _horse_ for Odin's sake!"

He was silenced for a moment, mouth opening only to release nothing. Then he scratched the back of his head meekly, "Really? I… I thought I was around average…"

_Average my ass…_ "Hiccup, that _monster_ wasn't even awake, and it was as _thick as my wrist!_ There is no way that's even close to average!"

"Okay! Okay, I get it. Im above average. Thanks for boosting my ego." Now he himself was blushing, embarassed about the whole situation. A moment passed before he finally asked, "So what about my… size advantage?"

She was quickly getting frustrated, unable to figure out a way to explain this issue without seeming... over intimidated. "Its j-just that… I didn't expect… something that intimidating to come from you." Wait a minute, did she just stutter? _Damn it woman, get it together. You are Astrid Hofferson, you do NOT stutter!_

There is no way she actually just stuttered. Astrid doesn't stutter. Especially not around this situation that bad? Did he, Hiccup of all people, actually scare her? With the body part he considers the most delicate? "Astrid, are you alright? Are you… okay with this? I mean, this doesnt change anything between us, does it?"

"Of course not!" She yelled defensively. "I just… didn't know you would be this… challenging."

He smirked, nearly laughing at the last word. "You feel challenged by me? That must be a first."

It was surprising how fast she managed to get close enough to sock his shoulder, considering how far she had been standing from him. "Shut up."

As Hiccup's wicked smile turned into a look of concern and worry, she could feel herself begin to melt on the inside. Damn it. Why does he always have to be so... _Hiccup_ all the time!

"So... What exactly are you trying to say? I mean I'm sure you didnt declare one of my blood line a horse just to compliment me right?" She sighed, slightly disappointed in what she was about to admit. "Hiccup, I love you. You know that. And I really want to marry you eventually. But I don't know if would be able to make this work… in that way. You just wouldn't… fit."

"Oh…" There was a long awkward pause. "Um… Are you… you know, absolutely sure about that? Could we like, check or something?"

The mere idea of that made her lower insides begin to melt, making her thighs rub together involuntarily. But if her mother's info was any indication, the answer to that method was probably already obvious. "Hiccup, Ive been thinking about being with you for a while. A lot. When we finally actually do it, that thing is supposed to get bigger, right?"

"Well… yes, but…"

"Well from my nights being alone in my room, I can tell you right now that if three fingers for me is noticeably big, then something of your scale is just… too much."

His mind was officially blown. "Wow… that's just…" Hiccup started, but just couldn't continue out of the sheer power of how shocked he was.

"Just what?"

"Just… amazing and upsetting at the same time. First you basically tell me I'm endowed like a bull, then tell me I'm too big, then go on to say you know that because you… practice while you think about me. This is just three big doses of mind blowing."

She laughed for a moment, before seeing his visibly depressed look as he sat back down on his rock. "Hiccup," she tried to comfort him, taking a seat next to him, "Please believe me when I say I want this to work…"

"I do, Astrid. I do, " he reassured, wrapping on arm around her waist gingerly. She grinned sympathetically, taking his other hand in her own. At least he knew she meant well. Neither of them wanted their first time together intimacy wise to be bad, but she hoped that this wouldnt determine their potential intimacy as gone.

Things went quiet again, before he finally asked, "Is there anything we can do about this? Like… would training help?"

Astrid snickered, "Training? Are you serious?"

He shrugged, "Ive thought up crazier ideas."

"True." She was glad to see him springing up ideas to try and take care of the issue so fast. She stood up and pulled him along with her."Alright, mister third arm, how do you suggest we train for something like this?" She asked enthusiastically.

He stared at her, wide eyed. "Um… what?"

"You heard me," she uttered with a wicked grin.

"Mister third arm? Really?"

"Would you rather me mention all that by calling you mister third leg? I don't think that would make sense."

_Oh, the sarcasm._ It seemed he had rubbed off on her rather well. "I love you."

He held his admring gaze about her before she asked awkwardly, "So about your training idea…"

"Oh, right... Well, I'll have to do a few things first… But… I guess I could make some… things."

Her eyes narrowed. "I have a feeling this is going to be more of me training to have some kind of final battle with you."

"I'd call it more like a... grand finale, of sorts. And if everything goes well," He struggled nervously to get the last words out, "Maybe we could have more than one?"

Her sly grin returned. "I dont know, Hiccup, could you do another battle with the Red Death?"

"Oh, come on Astrid. Im not that big."

"Whatever you say. Just try not to trip over that or let it drag, I can imagine that being painful."

He walked over the bows they had left on the ground and picked one up. "Yeah. I'll keep that in mind. Now, then, didnt you need some help with your archery?"

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**LOL Big shlong jokes all over this chapter. I intend to use a lot of urban dictionary words to spice up the hilarity in this story. Mainly used by the twins, but still, I intend to get a lot of huge dong jokes here.**


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